The Tough Stuff
So today, after class, one of my students stayed to present what had become the extra credit speech. I had excused her from the Huck Finn essay. Halfway through the book, during Thanksgiving break, her mother died. The essay was the least of her worries. It was not unexpected. The mother had been sick for a very long time. Nonetheless.
Well, after the speech today, I could hardly smile and wish her a merry Christmas. I said, “It’s going to be a tough Christmas.” She said yeah, and I said the first year would be hard, but I knew she’d get through it. She talked about how her mother had been sick on every holiday for years, so holidays were just hard all around. Bless her heart; her eyes were perfectly dry. Then I did it. My eyes welled up and my throat closed. Jeeze. I know how it is. I know how hard it can be to hold it together, and someone else’s sympathy can do you in. I tried not to choke. Anyhow, I hugged her and tried to get back to business, telling her that I knew her next semester teacher and to make sure to check with her before writing her next essay, since we’d had her skip one.
I guess tears were better than cold lack of acknowledgement. One of those times I sure wish I could fix it all. She’s a hell of a good kid.
Awww, Paula, that sounds really hard! I'm sure it meant a great deal to her
to see that you cared, but I'm sorry she couldn't let herself cry too. I so
admire the teachers of the world. I couldn't do it. What a sweet post.
*sigh*
That poor girl! I guess that she was emotionally prepared for it, seeing
as her mother was sick for so long. Talking to someone like that sort of
makes their grief your own, though.
Oh my goodness. Break my heart. I lost my dad 14 years ago December 5th.
I was 30 and had him for so long, still it's never easy. I must tell you
not to feel bad for tears. People got embarrassed with me when they cried,
but it made me feel good, that they like me and/or my dad and it made
things real and less awkward, actually. BTW, I AM THE BIGGEST CRYBABY!!!
Phone commercials, songs on the radio...couldn't walk down the aisle to the
trad Wedding March because I bawled every time I heard it!!! Lovey won't
let me watch Extreme Makeover because I cry so hard (I have to TIVO it!!).
Sophmom is right, it was such a sweet post and one that makes me know how
lucky I am.
I do not like to cry. I avoid anything that will make me cry, if possible,
things like sappy movies, books or songs. But I'm sure your tears revealed
to that girl that you felt some of her pain and that you sympathize with
her loss, more so than mere words would have.
That's a moment that student will carry for the rest of her life. You're so
lucky to be able to make those kinds of connections with your students.
It would have meant a lot to me when I lost my mother at age 13, if one of
my teachers then had cried in a similar situation
Thanks, W. I feel better knowing that. I was so worried that I'd made her
feel worse, although I don't suppose that much could.
I think most, as a whole, are far less emotional than maybe we should be in
cases like this - for whatever reason, fear, shame, discomfort - and it's a
good soul that can share their feelings and just live them. I think
she'll look back and truly appreciate that someone else cared about how she
felt.