Pride and Prejudice

Okay, so here’s the story: I don’t know if you’re all aware of this, but students today routinely call one another “fag.” They do it all the time. They don’t understand that it is completely inappropriate. When they don’t like something, they say, “This is so gay.” They use these terms around teachers regularly, it’s so widely accepted. Well, on the first day of school, when I am explaining my classroom rule about respecting people and property, I nip this trend in the bud. I say to them, in a very no-nonsense voice, “Do not ever, ever, under any circumstances, use the word ‘fag’ in my presence. Do not ever express displeasure with anything by calling it ‘gay.’”

Why do I do this? It’s hate speech. When I started teaching in the 80’s, they said, “This is so Jewish.” I gave the same spiel then, only I told them not to use that phrase. When I was in ninth grade, I had friends who called making a left turn out of the right lane or vice versa a “nigger sweep.” At the age of fourteen, I gave them hell for it. I don’t tolerate this crap and I never have.

This year, I had a student challenge me. She wanted to know why I thought this was such a big deal. (She also tried to explain to me that gays don’t mind being called fag. I’d love to know what process someone goes through to be allowed to speak on behalf of everyone within a given demographic.) Anyway, I told the kids that 10% of the population was gay, lesbian, transgendered or bisexual, which meant that in a classroom of 30, 3 people fit that description. I said that when they used these hateful phrases, they could not assume that no one was being hurt. After all, that 10% doesn’t account for kids in the class with brothers, sisters, parents, and other gay loved ones.

So yesterday, my principal gave me a letter that was sent to him by a parent. Not a parent of any of my students—the parent of a student that I have never taught. The letter criticized me for my “tirade.” He also challenged my statistic, saying that it was based on a Kinsey report that had since been invalidated. According to this man, the number is actually 1-3%.

Hey, I’m a debater. The validity of my evidence is important to me. I checked into this. Well, heck, apparently Kinsey’s statistic didn’t hold up to scrutiny. Then again, neither did my buddy’s 1-3%. Every reputable, reasonably neutral source (like psychology departments of major universities) says it’s more like 3-6%. Fine. I stand corrected.

The number wasn’t the point. The point was I don’t tolerate hate speech. If a kid uses the word “nigger” in my classroom, he’s in big trouble. I don’t care whether or not there are any African Americans there at the time. And with the revised statistic, that means that a sophomore who encounters about 150 other students in the course of the day interacts with between 4 and 9 gays, probably completely unaware of which kids these are, because a kid would be nuts to come out in that environment. No one deserves to go to school and be insulted and hated.

So, here’s my dilemma: My integrity says that I should correct myself to the class, because I believe in giving accurate info, but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I want this twit thinking that he got me in trouble. He did not. The principal gave me the letter, shook his head, and said, “Ya think this guy’s a little homophobic?” He gave me permission to call the guy or ignore him, especially if he wasn’t the parent of any of my students. The principal totally supports my unwillingness to permit the use of these terms in my class. I don’t know where the letter writer got his information about the conversation, but it was 3rd hand.

See, if he had sent the letter to me, it would be a no-brainer. I have no problem admitting when I’m wrong (the statistic was wrong—the concept was not!). I would have corrected myself. But no man worthy of the designation “man” writes to the principal without talking to the teacher first. I want to know where he comes up with the idea that I was on a “tirade.” I think he had an obligation to ask me about the context of the conversation. If he can’t talk (or write) to me, I don’t see why I should have to acknowledge him at all. If I give kids misinformation, it bugs me. At the same time, I just don’t see reinforcing this method of conflict resolution. It’s right up there with kids who have mommy or daddy call me before they come to me themselves. Drives me nuts! I have NEVER spoken to a teacher on behalf of one of my children, because my kids know they have to try to resolve it themselves first, and they always do. Life skill, you know.

I guess this guy’s mommy and daddy settled all his conflicts for him, too.