Parent-Teacher Ramblings
I find myself hand-holding more and more. Speaking to each kid quietly during class work time makes no difference. Contacting the parents of kids who did not appear to be doing the work required to give their persuasive speeches had very little impact on the final products. I just sent home progress reports and required them to be returned, signed. Tomorrow is the last day to turn them in. I will be emailing the parents of any student who does not return it with a signature. Parents want to be informed constantly, and our school expects us to oblige them, but I don’t see it helping. All I see is more and more parents trying to take control of their kids’ education while the kids sit back and let them.
The ultimate effect is that more kids are failing than ever before, and I feel like such a loser. Their success is my responsibility, as well, but it’s getting so hard to get students to meet me halfway, and as far as I can tell, parents don’t expect them to. On the other hand, I also see kids who are completely stressed out trying to juggle 3 or 4 honors classes and still make valedictorian. They always seem to be on the edge, their whole lives consumed by school. Naturally, they do every extra credit assignment. The kids who need it? No way.
All of which makes me wonder about my own parenting. I don’t get in the middle of my kids’ educations at all. I figure that learning to deal with problems themselves and taking responsibility are as important, if not maybe just a little more, as the three R’s. My son is taking 3 honors classes, even though I’m adamantly opposed to tracking kids. He’s no dummy. He knows that as we have begun to track more and more, we’ve dumbed-down the regular curriculum, and he wants to be challenged. What am I supposed to say to that? Plus, most of his friends are on the honors track. Well, I’m not the one who picked his schedule; I’m not going to ride him about his grades. We expect a 3.0, however he manages to pull it off. He fell a little short last semester (2.8) but I figured it was his first semester in high school and he needed some time to get his bearings, so his dad and I didn’t get too freaked. We just made it very clear that he needs to tweak things some. He’s a reasonable kid, and he knows that we have reasonable expectations, so he usually complies without a lot of pressure from us.
The 2.8 is not a reflection of his ability. Really, neither is a 3.0. I don’t want him to coast or be a screw up; I just want him to have some room to make some choices. I don’t want him to have the pedal to the metal pushing for a 4.0, never breathing or having a moment to figure out what his passion is. Then again, he doesn’t seem to have a passion, at least, not one that he throws himself into body and soul. How important is that for a 15-year-old, anyway?
I have been passionate my whole life. If I cared, I gave myself completely to the things I cared about (in high school they were speech, drama, choir, and any other classes that I determined to be worthwhile). If I didn’t care, I gave those things next to nothing (i.e. any class that I deemed useless—I was an arrogant little snot). In school, my grades were very, very good or very, very bad—not much in between. My DH was an honor student, but he doesn’t remember having a passion in high school, and he’s a happy, well-adjusted fellow. I remember him loving art. At any rate, I just can’t imagine not always having something that exhilarates and consumes you (besides select members of the opposite sex).
Maybe I’m thinking too much. It’s a character flaw. Anyone have their two cents to add?
You said, "I don’t get in the middle of my kids’ educations at all. I
figure that learning to deal with problems themselves and taking
responsibility are as important, if not maybe just a little more, as the
three R’s"
You're thinking too much.
Yo Paula,
When I was a high school student I was a definite underachiever and didn't
graduate. There were many reasons for this failure on my part.
I subsequently finished high school and got a BS Honours English as a
mature student.
When my children were growing up we were lucky to be posted to a university
town where all the children aspired to be college graduates and most went
to university and are successful in their working lives.
I would mention that the reason I write poetry was because of a very fine
school teacher who taught me in grades 2 and 3. There were 38 of us grades
one through eight in a one room schoolhouse. We all pitched in with an,
each one teach one, method.
The parents that don't respond to your letters of concern are not
interested, you are just a high priced baby sitter entertaining their
little darlings.
You are DEFINITELY NOT a failure, the failure comes later when these same
children out of boredom and peer pressure become gang members and drug
addicts.
Keep pitching to those that step up to the bat, if the others
can't or won't, it is hardly your fault.
Paula, I didn't get in the middle of my kids' schoolwork either and when I
see parents doing this (talking about having homework like it's their own),
I caution them against it. My oldest was a real mess-up in HS but is about
to receive a dual degree in Writing and Communication Studies, so you just
never know when commitment will kick in with kids. I have seen all kinds,
and my middle son is one of those who puts too much pressure on himself.
Learning to find balance is perhaps one of the most important lessons in
life, and we each have to learn it on our own schedules. It's a lesson that
continues for life. I am sure you are doing a fine job as both a teacher
and a parent.
I admire you so much Paula. You are obviously passionate about your
teaching. I think it's great and it inspires me to think that there are
still very passionate teachers out there. I can only imagine how extremely
frustrating it must be to watch kids just not do the work. Even more
frustrating to have parents say they want to be involved and then not be
involved at all...
Then lets add on grade inflation to further confuse the issue. There is a
high school here where graduating with a 4.0 is rather mediocre! I don't
know what can be done about the dumbing down and where the pressure is
coming for that to happen. I find it interesting that you place some blame
on the honor track, which makes good sense. If you aren't in the honors
program, why expect much, seems to be the message. Keep up the good fight
for tough standards!
This one hit home for me, too. I blog about the schoolwork alot, but I
generally let my kids sink or swim. Coming from a family of teachers and
having taught myself, I think parents are screwing things up in a big way.
The attitude seems to be that education is a product you "buy" with your
taxes and that gives you the right to control, complain, demand etc... And
too many of us are saving our kids tiny butts when they mess up. These
kids are lucky to have you.
My three kids moved in with me recently. The point? They attended Title 1
schools up until January of this year. (Reason: Mom's a war zone teacher.)
However, they have been taught down to for the majority of their life with
not a single challenge. They became bored and restless.